The child comes to the world without the past, without any installations how to behave, without criteria of a self-estimation. It is compelled to be guided by experience of surrounding people, on those responses which they give it as persons. For first five-six years the kid forms representation about itself exclusively on the basis of that information which receives from parents. Then he starts to visit school, independently to walk in a court yard, it is influenced already also by other factors, however, the role of a family in the course of creation at the child of an image own "I" still remains very important.  Parent "messages"
The newborn - perfection, the Universe centre. His life is initially harmonious. He asks what wants and that is really necessary for it. It freely expresses the emotions. When the kid is upset, about it know all. When it is happy, its smile shines the world. It is full of love and cannot take out its absence. He learns about itself(himself) basically on reaction of mother. Its each word, a mimicry, gesture, a timbre and loudness of a voice, a touch and action bear to it messages on its self-value. There passes time, and, alas, the majority of us ceases to pay attention to what sense contains in our parent "messages" to the child.
The four-year-old boy presents to mum a bouquet of camomiles. It takes flowers with words: "Where you them took?". Thus its light smile, enthusiastic intonation speak: "you to me have brought What remarkable flowers! Where such charming camomiles grow?" Such reaction of mother raises a self-estimation of the child. But the situation can develop differently. Mum will tell: "Thanks", - and then will add: "You casually have not broken a camomile on the next summer residence?" The boy will understand, that it considers capable to make not quite worthy act. Naturally, similar statements will promote hardly to formation of a high self-estimation of the child. If this boy to leave in a room of one, having explained to it, that it is obliged to do, and then to appear and abuse it, to shout at it, that he even to play independently is not able, the scared kid after such "dialogue" with mother will be or to sit silently in a corner, or inconsolably to sob. At it exists only these two variants of behaviour. You never learn, on what this little man actually is capable. If to the boy to show, that it should do, and thus to say, that it is pleasant to you, as it builds a fortress, that he the sharp kid, that here it was mistaken, anything terrible, all is reparable, that you are ready to help it, - you cannot imagine potential possibilities of such child at all! It is necessary for each kid to feel itself as the most expensive to mum and the daddy the person most necessary to them and most good. For this purpose to parents follows constantly, openly including words to express the love to the child to praise it for successes, let and very small more often. I bad?.
- Hey, the robber, depart from our entrance with the ball! - the elderly woman from a ground floor window shouts Павлику.
- It at us such sloven, such not collected! - mum Pavlika at its presence speaks to the neigbour.
- I for the son am quiet. The real man grows, - the daddy brags to visitors, stroking Павлика on a head.
Here such description of the six-summer person has been drawn only in some hours of one day. Surrounding people it is often inconsistent estimate the child, its acts, character traits and properties of nature. Gradually from set sometimes opposite characteristics the portrait in which "original" starts to trust appears. It is clear, that the optimum variant is an objective self-estimation of the child. One kid turns a deaf ear to all negative responses and hears only positive thanks to what it finds a self-trust. Another is able to separate authentic from false and consequently does correct conclusions, sensibly estimating the merits and demerits. And the third owing to the natural uncertainty or for other reasons perceives only negative opinions on. The "chronic" indifference to the child or the rigid criticism of its acts promote that it grows the person, "to nobody necessary", helpless or constantly waits for punishment. The internal potential of such child remains not opened. At it the risk of destructive behaviour in relation to itself or to surrounding people is high. The child with a low self-estimation if something also achieves does not regard it as good luck and continues to be tormented with doubts. For it enough one small miss to cross out all previous successes. It is often angry or even is embittered. The child starts to perceive itself and all world negatively. "I bad. I am able to do nothing correctly. It I in all am guilty..." - here some of its daily thoughts. And such course of reasonings is capable to create to the person the destiny consisting of one disappointments. Necessary measure of a praise
All know, that a praise - excellent means to induce the child to laudable actions. But was not, is not present and there will be no such child who is worthy only censures or praises. Imagine, that the girl sits at a table and with enthusiasm draws the fantastic princess. She asks mum who was engaged in by affairs on kitchen, to estimate its work. The first variant: the woman, yet not having looked drawing, starts to praise the daughter enthusiastically: "it is wonderful! As has fine drawn! You at us the present artist!" The second variant: mum reluctantly approaches to the child and with irritation in a voice speaks: "Well, what you here have painted? Horror any!" The third variant: mum sits down near to the girl and attentively considers drawing: "I very much like your princess! Perhaps, shoes we will more brightly paint? Give hair to it we will more long make". Some parents inspire to the child, that it always and all does well and correctly. They enthusiastically admire with its mediocre abilities, brag of it at its presence to acquaintances, not deliberating, accept its party if it has quarrelled with someone. Adults do not aspire to that their child has achieved successes in a life. They behave as if it has already reached them. The child grows the person spoilt, with the overestimated estimation of. The extremely opposite, but in the same measure a negative position of parents is shown in them невротически the hysterical relation to the child. As a result of such relation he gets used to consider, that anything good itself does not represent, therefore does not deserve an appreciation from associates. The small person is capable to feel and understand, whether love it, whether rejoice to it, whether are respectful to it. However it is not enough to say to the child, that it adore, from it it will not have a positive self-estimation. The feeling of own importance necessarily should be based on tangible results in concrete affairs. It is necessary for child to feel itself as the good, necessary, decent, fair person. To support in it this sensation, it is necessary to acquaint it with system of universal values, ethical rules, skills and abilities which it could put successfully into practice. Reasonably and tactfully parents should let to it know and feel, that in its forces to influence the life and to achieve success. Basis of vital success
Who does not want, that its child was happy! And the happiness in many respects depends on how the person "have programmed" in the early childhood. The basis of the successful vital scenario is a true self-estimation of the child, the major regulator of its further behaviour and relations with people. A self-estimation as respect for, the person, it is far from self-conceit and complacency. From all words with an initial element itself"the self-estimation is the closest to self-esteem. As a rule, the person with the overestimated self-estimation is not able to get on with associates, does not cause in them liking to, becomes closed and lonely. It is not enough at whom there is a desire to fasten contacts and to be on friendly terms with it. Probably, it is unduly self-confident, at it unreasonable requirements to people, emotional responsiveness is not developed. Dialogue with such person brings to nobody satisfactions and pleasures. And usually such too self-satisfied person, not capable to establish kind and equal relations even with the most close people, happens unfortunate. In the same degree made destitute is inclined to become and the person with the underestimated self-estimation. All its sufferings, problems, and sometimes also it is inadmissible the ruined life is a result of absence of due self-esteem. He has not managed in time neither to realise, nor to change relations to, and parents have not helped it to estimate truly themselves, the merits and to find a worthy place among people. The happy person is what since the childhood manages to estimate objectively the merits and demerits, a limit possible, achievements and misses, self-critically them to analyze and find a way for self-improvement. He lives in the full consent with the "I", that does not prevent to co-operate to it with associates. It transfers troubles because it is self-assured enough is easier and can always count on someone's help which with gratitude accepts. Fortunately all of us, to the small person never late to overestimate itself and to get objectively high self-estimation. Parents possess boundless love, the power, possibilities to help it with it. They are obliged to promote as much as possible to social development own "I" of their child. On them responsibility for lays "enclosing" in the child sensation of self-value and feeling of self-esteem.
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