I do not know, what it was feeling, but it seemed to me, that simply liking. I have met this young man about two years ago. Our family has moved to Moscow, and parents have decided suit me in the nearest school as it has just stopped to be under construction.
The matter is that an alarm clock in new apartment yet was not, and in general there there was practically nothing, except a frying pan, an electric stove, an armchair and a sofa. Therefore on September, 1st I have overslept and have not come to school on "ruler", but was in time at "Class o'clock", and that with delay. It is natural, when I have entered into a class, all have indignantly looked at me. (It happens not only for the reason, that I was the newcomer, but also because of my free, causing appearance and similar manners of behaviour). But me it was absolute all the same because always considered itself as very proud and independent girl. Thought: what for to pay the attention to children spoilt by attention?
 Having entered into an office, I first of all have seen IT...
Well, to tell, that it was the most beautiful young man whom I ever met, I cannot. I have seen that, in an ideal corresponding to my type of men. I always loved тёмненьких boys: very high, harmonous and brown-eyed, which as people speak, very much ветрены (though so speak about many). But me their "frivolity" did not stir - I simply loved, and they were subjects of mine восхищений, but no more. I never even dreamt, that with someone from them I will get the novel. No, here does not play any role an inferiority complex because that at me in general is not present. I simply could not converge with such people. Probably, character were similar.
In an office I had to sit down for last school desk as places any more were not. And I did not cease to notice, that brown-eyed constantly glances in my party. I will tell fairly, that the school was not pleasant to me, in particular my schoolmates because all were selfish and haughty in relation to us, newcomer. And this guy (name it conditionally Alexey though its true name about what does not speak, but all the same it it would not want to me to name it) was their leader (certainly, and most it seems to me, that here this word somehow is not glued, but, recollecting school days, you understand what exactly it here is pertinent).
First, it was the most beautiful on all parallel of classes; secondly, it had the big authority with senior pupils because his elder sister was then very active graduate and could affect all; thirdly, it was the son of the deputy and always could hide for a back of the father. In addition to it it is possible to recollect still its persevering and times very annoying character, that some people name "without brakes". I think, what exactly these prominent features did by its best among just ripened, similar to it, young men. Therefore all little girls in it have been enamoured. Well … and I too! And what? Unless I not the representative of crowd? Yes, it was an ordinary gregarious instinct.
I always was any little fool in the relation to an opposite sex.
Thought, that it is necessary to hide all feelings, but, eventually, all learnt about them, as though I did not try to hide it.
Gradually something began to vary. It did not give special attention to me, though I remember, at literature and Russian lessons constantly looked in my party. Once, when it sat behind me on M. Х.К. Also spoke any bosh about my neigbour in a school desk, I simply have not sustained and have told weight of causticities in its party. Has told, that it is opposite to me, when at me continuously and steadfastly look at lessons. He, naturally, has understood all and has ceased to pay attention in general to me, probably, thereby, trying to touch. Also has worked! Its attention began not to suffice me. I began to blame myself that all has told it and, maybe, have offended him. But, somewhere at heart I still had a hope of mutual feeling. Yes, it was final! Now I start to recollect: thought of desires on dropped out реснички; on the Prague bridge where it is possible to think of the most unique and treasured desire, I have wished love and attention from its party; addressed for the help to pagan gods. In general, full childishness.
Well, I will not describe grey school everyday life. The mood at me became more positive in due course, because all those, earlier for me selfish schoolmates started to understand, that I very good person and became much more friendly. In the third quarter (namely on the Birthday) I have met the person to whom has very much become attached which has in turn changed me to the best.
We began to meet. But our relations proceeded not long as I began to understand, that has already adopted from it the best. Therefore could not deceive itself any more. I saw all its internal lacks, at the same time itself tried to improve myself every day. But, sooner or later all has the end, good or bad. We have left in 4 months. By the way, at present we very good friends. I love it, as friend who is ready to give to me advice any minute. But I will not be forgotten. I do not know why, but the love has passed very quickly.
After I have left this guy who was more senior me for 5 years, I have decided to continue searches of that most-most. For some reason, did not think at all, that I need to look back and see IT. I any more did not wish to trust in former feelings and was ready to forget Лёшу for ever. I had to participate in all most noisy parties to find somebody worthy. But all meetings came to an end with words: "Excuse, something badly myself I feel, I will go home ….". Did not meet such person who could interest me. I do not consider myself as the beauty, I at all do not know any beautiful girl because for me there is no that ideal to which I would like to imitate. But, nevertheless, for some reason all my schoolmates rendered me attention enough.
School days passed as always equally and at the same time imperceptibly. All my friends were surprised, how I anybody to myself have not found till now it. The answer was same: "I do not search!" And so, on a New Year's party of our school children have come most клевые. Naturally, there was and Лёша. At first any competitions were held, in one of which for participation have chosen me and it. Our problem consisted that we should represent enamoured each other people though steam was much. Having nestled on it, I have felt the smell of cigarettes mixed with aroma of man's scented water. Having felt knock of my heart, it has pressed me to itself(himself) even more strongly: so, that the head has started to be turned. Thank God, I have not fainted. He has asked, that with me, and I have told, that all is normal … We have won. In 20 minutes the disco has begun.
I any more do not remember, what competitions were further because sat on a bench and has stared in one point. Upon me has suddenly dawned, that I love it till now and loved always, simply did not wish to trust in it. To me all those former feelings which, apparently, have grown cold for a long time already have returned. I did not wish to dance. I sat and thought, at all not paying attention that slow dance has begun. I do not know, that to me occurred, after all I already met hundreds guys, but never ran into such trance.
Thoughts were interrupted with any person who approached to me and has invited to dance. I have lifted eyes and have seen IT …
… it seemed To me, that I fly somewhere in clouds. We danced at the window: light has been switched off, and round us was nobody, except the star sky.
A day later when I have come back home from the next walk, parents have notified me, that any young man with very pleasant voice called to me all the day long. I have thought, that it Лёша. Therefore with trembling waited for the next call, but two days it was audible nothing. I remember, did not leave at all on street, all for something waited. At last, I have decided to calm down and go to take a walk.
Walk has turned out very long, at 7 o'clock. The cold and weariness already started to torment me, therefore it was necessary to say goodbye to friends and to go home. I have not had time to come on a threshold as the call was distributed. It was IT … … … … … I will not recollect about what we stirred because it was silly … … …. We began to meet, BUT it has appeared for me very silly and uninteresting. And again all has changed.
First I was the happiest, but then began to be disappointed in the hasty conclusions about love. I have thought, that it is necessary to fasten. I have started to throw tubes and to swear at it. Because of it we have left. Not seeing its two weeks, I have understood, that was mistaken, only already not for the first time, and at present. Began to wait for its call though understood - it will not be. But, not looking at my belief, in three weeks I have heard, as my phone "has cried out" its telephone number. I was out of myself for pleasure. He has told to me, that still loves me and if I concern it also it is simply senseless to suffer, it is necessary to make again how was. I have agreed. We have again started to meet. Every day I fell in love with it more and more.
But a day ago it has come to me and has told, that it is necessary to leave. To hold it it would be simply senseless. I have released … Till now, after one and a half year, I wait, I think, I dream, that in one fine day I will lift a tube of phone and I will hear its voice …
|
