Sometimes he behaves …
Well, we will tell so, strange. Illogically, not clearly, monstrously! And to suffer from all its nonsenses it is necessary you. And he still dares to explain the idiocies to that “so real men arrive!” Time has come to understand, that with it to do.
 Нелогизм the topographical: “I perfectly know road!”
… And consequently I will not be to ask it anybody. Around a gloom, from last lantern you are separated kilometres by fifty, potholes, asphalt has ended simultaneously with illumination, and the most terrible – any live soul which could tell to what you are now closer: to village Penkovo (where you are waited by friends with shish kebabs) or to Costa Rica (where anybody, in general, does not wait for you). For full similarity to a film of horrors there is no only a stranger in a yellow raincoat and rubber boots.
And after all you were only going to go for a summer residence to friends, reasonably having decided, that two full age people without deviations in intellectual development will easily orient on a card! Who could know, that favourite, having disdained topography, will thoughtlessly throw: “Yes we will find yours Пеньково!” And from all your offers will nervously glance in a card to wave away, squeezing out gas. Or on the contrary – will long peer into a card, muttering itself: “Well there is no here such street! No!” And when you will suggest to ask road natives, it will be offended to depth of soul and besides will strike on gases.
THE URGENT HELP
Refuse gloating: from your venomous reproaches Пеньково will not jump out because of the nearest turn, having been ashamed of own remoteness, and here relations with the favourite will be spoilt. He does not know where to go and what to do, but will die more likely, than admits it. Or by means of the incomprehensible man's logic will make you guilty in all – beginning from your idea to go on a summer residence and finishing the Holocaust. Therefore be silent, agree with it and silently send to specifying SMS friends. The instructions received from them give out favourite as inspirations of female intuition. To it he so and to be, will listen.
PREVENTIVE MEASURES
If you have spent pair of nights in авто, waving away from ubiquitous mosquitoes and shuddering from each rustle you are already learnt by bitter experience and understand all importance of preparation for voyage on not mastered roads. Effective variants only two: or beforehand to unpack from the Internet all accessible cards and in time to palm off their favourite, or to present to it the GPRS-navigator. He will listen to its councils for some reason with much bigger enthusiasm, than yours. It is checked up.
Нелогизм алкоголический: “I am absolutely sober!”
… And for this reason it each holiday finishes the person in salad. After a feast your man represents a pity show, and you should nurse it, as child, in passing carrying out functions of the nurse, the nurse and the doctor-expert in narcology. Because from plentiful возлияний to your favourite it becomes invariable badly. You run around with тазиками, magic drops and a weak solution of potassium permanganate, write down under its dictation (interrupting on parting with drunk and eaten) the will, and bring to the sufferer aspirin in the morning.
You to within a drop know its "dose" and delicately push favourite by a foot under a table, hinting, that it is time to lower turns. It with unknown enthusiasm picks up all toasts and patronising claps you on a shoulder: “All under the control!” It is equal for three minutes before starting to dance publicly dances of drunk hedgehogs.
THE URGENT HELP
Time favourite by all means wishes to drink, not lagging behind thus from other men (by a principle “That I, not the muzhik, whether that?!”), – supervise process. Sit down more close and load its plate with hot and fat snack: the fat food, as is known, slows down process всасывания alcohol in blood. And if by means of arrangements and hypnosis you can convince him till a feast to accept ten tablets of the activated coal, that, probably, this party will manage at least without a basin.
PREVENTIVE MEASURES
Certainly, you with it talked. Convinced, that the real man not the one who will drink more, and the one who will stop in time. Without results: at you already an osteochondrosis of that you from a holiday by a holiday on one shoulder drag it, and on other – the first-aid set! Do not drag! Time he has the right to drink, has in the same way the right to go through independently consequences of a "man's" act. Let itself pours to itself water, brings aspirin and a cold towel, and the main thing – cleans traces of own "courage". If it has not helped, collect things and escape as it is possible further: alcoholism treatment – destiny of professionals, instead of fans.
Нелогизм подарковый: “Women love spirits, flowers and toys”.
… And consequently you can unmistakably guess, that to you will present the favourite. Which year successively. Its gifts are invariable, as seasons: the spirits chosen by a method unscientific тыка, roses with stalks of kilometre length, a plush dust collector of a terrible kind. Your shy hints on “any surprise” remain without attention: favourite piously it is assured, that it is better than spirits, colours and soft toys for the girl of a gift are not present. And you dream the second year of the good new winchester …
Having reconciled to destiny, you put the next spirits in the most distant box, try not to prick out thorns of an eye to associates and deliberate, whether your five years' nephew, if you to it передаришь a bear with a muzzle of the murderer begins to stammer.
THE URGENT HELP
Gifts should be accepted with pleasure and gratitude, therefore neither a word, nor a sight do not show, what something is not pleasant to you – you do not wish to discourage it to подаркодарению on for the rest of the life? Thoughts it is constructive: spirits easily передарить (fetid – to carry in a handbag instead of gas баллончика), to roses to give the necessary length of the house, and plush уродца to beat over an entrance door – let frightens off evil ghosts and stray robbers.
PREVENTIVE MEASURES
As scientists have established, men do not understand hints. Therefore reject false modesty and tell directly, that you want in a gift. Not to appear in awkward position, offer favourite some variants on a choice. If you hesitate to operate in front, get vish-sheet: paste on a refrigerator multi-coloured stickers with names of gifts of the dream, in the same place specify a place where they are on sale, and the size. He quickly will understand a hint and will break a couple of pieces of paper to study at a leisure. You can make a collage of photos and the pictures cut out from magazine correct, from your point of view, gifts. A collage hang up on any visible place. One my friend arrives even easier: she chooses to herself a gift on the Internet and does the order for the address of husband's work. It needs to pay only a thing and is proud to bring it home. All are happy.
Нелогизм the aggressive: “Now I to it ka-and-ak ladies!”
… And consequently it eternally adheres to any histories. It took you home in the late evening when someone from a doubtful kind of the company has given a whistle to you following. Last week any boor has entered into the bus with a cigarette and has started up a smoke to directly you in the person. The result was identical: your favourite, threateningly snuffling, has got into fight, despite the numerical or physical superiority of opponents.
And then you put half-nights ice to its broken nose, listened to lecture of the daddy about self-defence and together with mum drank a valerian (now it is found at you much). In a fracture clinic you already meet as native and while to it process fighting wounds, you reflect: well why it was impossible to pass by, when these boys only have a little whistled?
THE URGENT HELP
In the unwritten code of man's honour there are insults which cannot be lowered even to superior forces of the opponent. To understand it and do not try, however you can try to prevent fight. As soon as favourite once again will breathe heavily, it suffices for hands and shout with the maximum horror: “the Darling! Do not beat them! You again will plant!”
PREVENTIVE MEASURES
Shouts will not help, if the same маргиналы had already a talk with your favourite "as a real man" and grazes from this conversation at it still heal. It is necessary or to come back home providently by a taxi (that, however, not a guarantee of that the squabbler will not find yours to itself the next adventures, for example, in own lift), or arrangements and blackmail to entice favourite to the psychologist who квалифицированно will explain it advantages of the whole edges before the honour code.
Нелогизм the economic: “I will repair it!”
… And consequently in your house the bowl is eternally hammered, regiments miss a year on a hammer and nails, the amalgamator in a bathroom fervently gushes forth from all joints, and the drain tank lives own mysterious life. Your favourite it arranges, and on your entreaties and threats to commit suicide from such intolerable life he solemnly swears all to repair, as soon as free minute … will stand out And again does nothing.
Having despaired to take a shower in normal conditions, you have under a specious excuse got rid favourite and have caused the master (or even the good friend) which for two hours has put all in order, having taken in hand even the gone too far drain tank. You were going to receive praises from the man for keenness, but far from it: instead of "thanks" favourite with the sour person has walked on apartment, petty carping to everyone a carnation, hammered by another's hand.
THE URGENT HELP
You have called in question its abilities to "man's" work and have preferred other man in adjustment of mutual relations with a bowl. Now he feels unnecessary and useless, therefore it is necessary to you very much it in it to dissuade. With the most sincere person apologise and justify the inexcusable levity desire not to load its trifles, the man with phenomenal level IQ to which does not need to hammer in the brilliant head such trifles as the beaten out stoppers.
PREVENTIVE MEASURES
Exit two. The first – cause the master, not informing the man about house problems. Most likely, he will decide, that the crane has ceased to flow somehow by itself. The second – spread out tools and start to unscrew that, chto-tam-u-vas-has broken. Believe, even the laziest and cruel man's being the young lady with the puncher ”will not sustain an attraction“ and there and then will rush to show to you as it is done by real men. That, actually, also it was required, so after all?
All these strange, from your point of view, it makes acts only because it from Mars where all with each other compete, and you from Venus where all cheerfully chirp about эпиляции. The Most important thing – do not laugh at it, be not angry and do not try to alter and force to arrive “as all normal people”. Because “all normal people” – girls. And you have grown fond in it of the man, isn't that so? Let even with some neologisms.
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